So late yesterday evening, I had decided that I would take a moment to defend my last post from yesterday but you know what? What’s the point? Those who were offended by it didn’t really read it all the way through anyway because they seemed to miss the “we” and the “I’m done” parts so anything I say today would most likely fall on deaf ears or blind eyes anyway…
My posts from yesterday were really meant to be more about how I am feeling and why I am feeling this way.
It’s was meant to be more about an extremely faithful person (me) slowly losing/questioning/letting go of their faith or traditional church going faith.
Don’t get me wrong, I still believe, that’s not my struggle. I still talk to God often, I still spend time listening, I’m just not so sure anymore about the Church and what it stands for and what it’s been doing.
I firmly believe that we are meant to build the kingdom of God or kin’dom if you will, but that is not what I see happening lately, it’s not even what I’ve experienced! Even as a preacher I witnessed more tearing down than I did building up and that is my struggle.
I’m not judging anyone, I’m just deciding it’s not for me right now, it’s not how I want to play apart in this.
Instead, I just want to love my neighbor. I’ll take meals to comfort those who need comforting, I’ll check in on those struggling, I’ll send cards, I’ll make donations… I can’t change the world, like I said yesterday, I can’t even make much change in my little sphere of influence but I can maybe make a little difference through small acts of kindness and love.
I’m not going to stop sharing my opinion, or sharing facts, or reminding people that loving our neighbor is the right thing even if it inconveniences us. I’m not going to stop being me. I’m not going to stop questioning either. BUT I am going to love more, care for God’s creation more, and listen for God’s voice there. I’ll take more photos, draw more, create more, and share more.
To keep my peace, I may let go of a few friends, who I’m realizing aren’t really friends anymore. I may hide a few people, I may just disappear on some social media platforms all together or maybe not. But my friends, I will NOT be bullied by the church or by church goers because well, that’s not how I believe we should serve God and creation and I want no part of it.
So, if you find offense here, just move on knowing that I love you anyway, but understand that maybe we just aren’t healthy for one another right now, and that’s okay.
If you are struggling like me, you’re not alone! I think there are many struggling just like us for so many different or the same reasons but they don’t have to be the same! Struggles are struggles and I’m here for you.
Today, I’m going to go for my walk, take pictures of the beauty around me, talk to my pup Sidney, maybe even clean out the silverware drawer! I’m going to find my way as best I can, in the most positive way I can. I’ll probably send a few hugs over text messages, maybe send a card or two and hopefully fix a healthy dinner as well.
Thank you to those who have let me share my struggles and not judged me for them. Thank you to those who reached out to share their struggles with me to let me know I’m not alone! This is a safe place, I am a safe place. I’m here if you need me!
Now, go out and spend some time in creation! You’ll be glad you did!