So, remember on Monday when I said I was taking things in stride? Taking it in, letting it go, and moving on? Yeah, well, that ended much too quickly. I need more work. I am NOT an over night success.
Yesterday, I was feeling great! I even mentioned out loud how contented I felt, happy, at peace.
Then I ran across someone who did their damnedest to take it all away. It was just little things they said. Things that weren’t out and out mean, but just under the surface mean, you know? I kept trying to ignore it, let it go, move past it.
Every once in a while I’d notice myself starting to match them by being a little negative, but I’d try to release it come back to center with a smile as I looked away. I’d pick up my phone and scroll for a moment, not really looking at anything, not even opening an app, just scrolling through the list of apps, trying to release it, to escape it.
Eventually, I noticed my arms starting to fold across my chest in a protective way, like I was trying to close myself off. I kept trying to open my heart space and let love surround me. But by the end of the night (and even this morning) my heart was so locked up, I couldn’t even get in it myself!
I worked hard to open it back up, I shut my eyes, took deep breaths, thought about things that make me happy. Nothing worked. My heart was locked up tight and the key hidden.
I finally just went to bed.
It’s a terrible feeling, especially to go from so much joy, and peace, and contentment. I fought the negativity, I really did! I tried to hold it a bay. I tried to hold space for the negative person without letting myself fall into it. I started out so strong! I really did, but I guess, now I know my limits. And I hit it last night.
It will take time to get past it, hopefully not much longer. Hopefully, this is my therapy, hopefully this gets it out of my system, so I can move forward.
Lesson learned? I hope so, when I see it coming, move out of it’s way. I don’t have to help others get past their negativity, sometimes people just want to live there. I need recognize that it’s not my job to help them move. Some people don’t want to move. But I can let it go past me without grabbing on. I can step out of the way, excuse myself, and find my quiet, safe space to go to.
Go for a walk, which was actually one of my first thoughts after I gave in to it. Read a book, sit outside, light a candle, breathe.
And remember to let go and let love.
I have a much more positive post coming later, but I had to get this one out first. Like I said, this is therapy. So, thanks for listening. I promise to be more upbeat soon.
Until next time…♥️
Simply Sherri 