Sitting in grief

That’s what this week has felt like for me, Sitting in Grief, in great sadness.  I think about the stages of grief, and I think I’ve been running the gambit of them all week, well really since the election.  Mostly, I’ve been feeling deep sorrow and despair. 

Deep sorrow and despair as I realize that people I know and love are for what is happening.  That they voted for it. People I went to church with and sat in the pews with, people I thought understood what it meant to follow Jesus. Sorrow that the church in which I grew up barely exists anymore. 

It’s almost paralyzing. I just keep asking – myself, God, the universe, my husband – what can I do? How do I protect us? How do we prepare for what is coming? How do we help others through this?

I have no idea.  I have moments of we need to purchase canned goods, dry goods, to we need plant a garden, or sell our house (but who can afford to buy it?) I already give to organizations that help those in need but what happens if WE become those in need?  How do I protect my family and loved ones from this?  From what is coming?

I was watching the end of the movie, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire this morning and never have I felt Albus Dumbledore’s words more deeply. 

“Dark and difficult times lie ahead and soon we must all choose between what is right and what is easy.”

The book quote is slightly different, “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”

I feel this, right now, to my bones. I keep thinking of all the quotes about what did you do?  Or it being too late when you finally woke up and decided to do something. 

It’s past time to do something, to choose what’s right. To stand up to the bullies of our country, to speak up when we see injustice, to shine a light on the truth and not let them hide it away from the everyday citizen. It’s past time, but not too late.  I can’t control if anyone listens or believes… that’s all part of the “everyone will have to choose between what’s right and what’s easy” and I have no control over what others choose.  

I keep thinking who am I to speak out? Who am I to stand up?  I am not a person of influence or reach but when my great grandchildren ask, “What did Grammie do when all this was happening?”  I don’t want anyone to say “Nothing.” 

I want more than anything to be on the right side of this but I don’t want to live in fear.  I need a balance.  I need to find ways to stay informed without falling into doomscrolling, while at the same time, not hiding my head in the sand. I need to remember others as I plan our way in surviving these times. Always for a little extra to share.

This too shall pass, I just hope we still have a country and a life return to when it does.

Until next time… ♥️