The Blues

The blues. Sometimes, they just sneak up on me. Does that ever happen to you? I think I must be really good at hiding it, even from myself. I tell myself, oh, I’m just lazy, just tired, what do I have to be blue about? I can even still tell jokes and be quite funny sometimes! Even with the blues, so I must not have the blues right? I mean, I’ve got it all! My life is wonderful!

The other day, a red rash popped out on my arm. It just came on very suddenly. It didn’t itch, but it was red and inflamed. It was a little swollen and very hot. I have terrible allergies so I started thinking about what all I’d come in contact with lately… nothing unusual but I took some Benadryl just in case.

It didn’t really get any better, so I did what we all do… I googled it. It pretty much said what I thought it would but as I read, several things talked about other symptoms I have and then they talked about stress and depression. And that’s when it hit me.

Like a ton of bricks…

Duh… the crying the day after I got DD’s because I was going to have to leave… in two days… the lethargy… not wanting to do anything. Again, I usually just chalk that up to laziness but maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m feeling a bit down… maybe… I have the blues.

I take my St. John’s Wort once a day every day. I seldom miss (I did run out for about a week and couldn’t find ANY anywhere, so my mom brought me some when she came). The bottle says to take it 3 times a day but for me after a week or two, I can cut back to one a day and be fine but… today, I decided to follow the directions. Maybe I need a little boost.

This empty nest thing is pretty hard on this momma’s heart and then with DH’s travels… well, this nest is totally empty three weeks at a time about every other month. I did go see the kids for one week of this trip and that helped… for that week… but I miss my family… terribly. I try to keep busy with my church work and writing but eventually, I just don’t want to do anything… nothing… just sleep and watch Hallmark movies. Eh, sometimes I want to eat too… sometimes. (That should be huge a sign! I LOVE food!)

I don’t know why it’s so hard to see it or why it just seems to sneak up on me, but it does, and I hate it. My house is a disaster area, I have work still left to do! I just wish I could see it coming and be preemptive.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, there isn’t much of a point but well, I guess just in case there is someone out there reading this, thinking this sounds familiar… well, please know you are not alone.

Sometimes we just have to push the pause button

Today, I’ve taken care of me. I slept when I felt I needed it, I cooked both breakfast and lunch (leftovers will be dinner), I showered and now I sit here sipping a cup of cinnamon tea and eating a delicious clementine. Sometimes we just have to push the pause button and say, enough is enough and today is just for me.

If you are looking for me… I’m sitting my chair watching Hallmark.