I am weary…

My friends,

I am deeply weary, right down to my very core. My soul cries tears of deep sadness and weariness.

I find myself constantly saying, “The world has gone crazy!” but it’s not the world, it’s our nation, the United States of America.

I barely recognize this country that I love.

I am weary.

I listen to the talk of our nation and I find that I barely even recognize “the church” anymore.

It seems full of so much hate, so much judgement, so little forgiveness, so little compassion, so little Christ.

I am weary.

It saddens me to see young people leaving the Christian faith. It saddens me to meet non-christians who have never experienced a loving Christian before. It saddens me to see adults leave the church after being harassed there, after having pain and judgement inflicted on them there.

My heart is weary, my soul cries out with the crushing weight of it all.

I’m supposed to be working on a sermon on blessings in the struggles and I’m struggling with it. I just want to sit and cry.

Another black man was shot by the police at close range in the back and lies in a hospital possibly paralyzed… another white young man took up arms against protestors… armed white men pushed past state troopers as they stormed a state house of representatives and are allowed to stay… while peaceful protesters have been teargassed…

And too many Christians turn a blind eye and say “All Lives Matter”. Silence and complacency have no place in our faith.

I am weary.

I posted a meme on Facebook the other day… it said something like, “When Jesus talks about feeding the poor, it’s Christianity, but when a politician does it’s socialism.” The comments… about taxes, about needing to know where their money is going… I don’t know about you but when I read my Bible Jesus said something like give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.

I am weary.

I have no problem paying taxes to help my country and fellow countrymen. If I had billions, even if I had millions, even if I had hundreds of thousands, even if I just had thousands I would be giving what I could … at minimum my tithe of 10% to help others, to churches, to food banks, to homeless shelters, to clinics that offer free or affordable care to those who can’t afford ANY care, yes, even planned parenthood who helps so many women – who saves their lives sometimes – from cancer, from diabetes, and so on. I would give and I would still pay my taxes without much complaint and I would gladly pay a little more if it would help my neighbor. And I do.

When did that become a bad thing? When did sharing our prosperity become a thing of disdain? When did sharing our blessings become silly? I hear from Christians … it’s fine I guess on an individual level… but not on a national level?

I’ve not ever claimed this country to be a Christian nation because I don’t believe it is… I believe it to be a nation for all, a melting pot. BUT if you DO claim it to be a Christian nation, how is it that the idea of feeding the poor, healing the sick, welcoming the foreigner is such a vile thing?

I just don’t understand… I am oh, so very weary…

Weary of hate, of injustice, of selfishness, of vanity, of bigotry, of violence, … I am so weary.

I looked over a few moments ago and saw this.

A beautiful sign a dear friend gave me for Christmas that went with the sermon series I shared during Advent, the worry stones or heart stones we made for a worship series I did after Easter when the pandemic sent us home for worship and for just a moment, barely even a second, I smiled… one that barely made it to my lips but never reached my eyes, as my heart was touched by the memory of a joyful Christmas and Heart of Love at Easter.

I know, this too shall pass, but I am weary.

I am hurting with you my friends, my heart and soul cry for you, for us, as I pray for better days, as I pray for changed hearts, for the blind to see, for lips that speak.

I am weary, Lord, and I lay it all down at your feet.