In Relationships, it’s the little things

As I was doing laundry yesterday, I started thinking about why we do things.

Let me back up a little. Next month, DH and I will celebrate 33 years of marriage. They haven’t been easy years. They’ve been hard, really hard. Whoever tries to tell you marriage is easy is a liar. It’s not. I’m not saying it’s miserable either, though. It’s just hard. Then throw in all the extra stressors… kids, family, work … and well, yeah, it’s hard.

My DH was in the Army for 20+ years. We got married while he was in AIT. That was hard but that’s for another time. ANYWAY, uniforms have to be ironed a certain way, well, they did back then. I would iron for him as best I could and then he would proceed to iron them again. It made me feel so worthless and angry so I just stopped doing his ironing. That was in the first 2 months of marriage. lol

I still did his other laundry for years. Because his work clothes were just PTs and Uniforms, it was okay. He did the uniforms and I did the rest. Then he retired and had to wear civilian clothes and doing laundry for him was a little like being married to the enemy, from the movie, “Sleeping with the Enemy.” The shirts all had to be hung up in the same way. The pants had to be done just right. The socks rolled this particular way. Smooth the collars like this before moving them to the dryer and get all the wrinkles out of the pants while they are wet before placing them in the dryer… Needless to say after a few months (maybe a year) I told him to do it himself.

We started keeping separate laundry baskets and doing our own laundry. Honestly, I hated it! I really did! Doing his laundry was something I did because I wanted to help him because I loved him!

And that’s the point of this post. As couples, and really as families or in any relationship, we do things for each other because we care about each other. We even do things we really don’t enjoy, like laundry, or cooking, or fill in the blank – just because we care and want to make things easier, or just to make them happy.

I have always fixed breakfast for DH and packed his lunch most mornings just because I love him. Even when I’m mad at him. Now, it might not taste as good 😂, or he might not get his lunchbox note but I still do it. Why? Because I love him and want to take care of him even when I’m mad at him.

It’s the little things that matter the most. The lunchbox notes, fixing his favorites, refilling his coffee drawer, folding his underwear when he didn’t have time to do it himself. Even doing all his laundry when he’s busy. (As long as he promises not redo it or complain about it.). DH makes the bed most mornings, he fills my gas tank so I don’t have to get out in the heat or cold… all things just to make me smile.

It’s easy to just fall into a routine and not do those little things. It’s easy to say, well, I’m busy, or they don’t notice so why bother, or I’m tired, or they know I love them… But honestly, if you love them, you make time to do the little things. Hopefully, they notice them and return the love in their own way too. Hopefully, they do these little things for you too, without expectations of reciprocation.

We do it because we love each other and want each other to be happy. If you were to ask me the secret of a long-lasting relationship, I’d list this in the top 5 for sure. Those little things matter. They really do! Notice them! Don’t take them for granted because one day, they just might stop for one reason or another. If they do, and it’s not due to a death, you might need to check in and see how things are going. You might need to bring flowers, or make a special meal, or just wrap them in your arms and tell them how much love them and how much they mean to you. Don’t take your loved ones for granted. Cherish every moment, every little thing and big thing, even the moments they make you mad. Laugh about it and move on. Continuing to love your way through it.

This works in all relationships, marriages sure, but even friendships, parents, children, siblings and so on. In every relationship you have, remember to cherish it, to nurture it, to put effort into it. We need relationships, we were created for relationships, for community. I think we are starting to forget this and we need to remember it and live it everyday. Call your friends and set up a coffee date! Call and chat with your siblings or children or parents while you can. If you are close by, set up a lunch date with them! Check in on your elderly neighbor. We are all in this life together. Let’s make it a good one, a meaningful one.

That being said, I think I’ll go call my siblings.

Until next time… ♥️